


Expressing Grief

by Peace_and_LongLife32



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Grief/Mourning, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:53:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27037501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peace_and_LongLife32/pseuds/Peace_and_LongLife32
Summary: Paul and his thoughts on GriefFrom season 2, before Hugh's resurrection.
Relationships: Hugh Culber/Paul Stamets
Kudos: 3





	Expressing Grief

Paul Stamets was not one to show grief. 

He’d certainly felt it before…

When his pet lizard died as a child.

When his Grandmother died as a teenager. 

When he lost Justin Straal, his scientific partner, his  _ best friend _ , it was the worst loss he had ever experienced up until that point.

Justin understood him and his passions in a way others didn't. 

Understood his use of language, understood his far-fetched ideas, understood  _ him _ , at a fundamental level found only in someone who is similar to yourself. 

Losing him had been like losing a piece of himself. 

He’d held out as long as possible, but eventually, he had wept into Hugh’s shoulders, exhausted and unable to hold the tears back any longer. 

Losing Hugh… had been worse, so much worse. 

Paul knew grief even though he didn’t know how to express it.

And this time there was no Hugh to ease him through it. 

Hugh was not there to hold his hand, to offer his shoulder, to talk him through it.

Because Hugh was gone. 

All that was left was a shared quarters, empty of life, and a cold metal medal, given posthumously, something that really meant nothing now that he was gone. 

Holding it was not unlike holding ice. 

Paul had felt grief abstractly for the people of Corvan 2 and for all the other lives lost in this war.

But for Hugh, the grief was personal and overwhelming. 

It took over his entire body, his entire being. 

Paul would sob into his pillow, making sure it was indeed his pillow so that he did cause Hugh’s scent to fade from his old pillow faster than it would naturally. 

He wandered the halls of the Discovery and felt like he was a ghost.

But it was a state of emergency, this was  **war** . 

He did all the right things, he acted in the best interest of his crew, acted like he was… not quite okay, but okay  _ enough _ . 

Just enough so no one questioned him.

After all, this was _war_. 

So he walked around with an invisible chest wound and he  _ grieved _ . 


End file.
